My Journey......Mrs. Butterworth, 128 years of hard waffles

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[Snusdog]

Back and forth. . . in and out. . . in and out . . . a little to the right. . a little to the left . . . she could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . between her breasts. . and, trickling down the small of her back. . . she was getting near to the end.
He was in ecstasy. . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved. . . forwards then backwards. . forward then backward. again. . . and again. . . her heart was pounding now. . . her face was flushed . . . she moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder . . finally . . . totally exhausted . she let out a piercing scream . . . . "OK, OK, you smug b@st@rd, I can't parallel park. You do it!"

Ahhahahhahah

Hey its all fun and games till she dints a fender.....then there is paperwork with all that porn

[Premium Parrots]

lmao......ain't that the truth.

[Burnsey]

Back and forth. . . in and out. . . in and out . . . a little to the right. . a little to the left . . . she could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . between her breasts. . and, trickling down the small of her back. . . she was getting near to the end.
He was in ecstasy. . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved. . . forwards then backwards. . forward then backward. again. . . and again. . . her heart was pounding now. . . her face was flushed . . . she moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder . . finally . . . totally exhausted . she let out a piercing scream . . . . "OK, OK, you smug b@st@rd, I can't parallel park. You do it!"

[Burnsey]

At breakfast, the husband asked his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She replied, "I'd take half and leave you."

"Great," he said. "Here's $6. I won $12 yesterday.

Stay in touch."

[Burnsey]

Yes, a somewhat pleasant weirdness.......

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I'm not a big fan of Silverman but I kinda like Seth. This whole video is just a tad NSFW and really weird......enjoy!

[trebli]

Less snow than Chicago!

[Burnsey]

Golf cart path behind my house. One of the reasons I moved here...........



Probably the ony snow we will get this year. Its pretty.........as long as I don't have to shovel it.

That looks peaceful, quiet too I'll bet!

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Golf cart path behind my house. One of the reasons I moved here...........



Probably the ony snow we will get this year. Its pretty.........as long as I don't have to shovel it.

[Burnie]

That was LOL

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[Burnsey]

^lmao

Good! Welcome aboard......

[snuswoman]

PIZZA Order.

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number? Sorry.
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please.
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick rust.
- OK! This is it.
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato.?
- What? I hate vegetables.
- Your cholesterol is not good, sir."
- How do you know?
- We crossed the number of your fixed line ☎with your name, through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza I already take medicine.
- Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly, from our commercial database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network.
- I bought more from another drugstore.
- It's not showing on your credit card statement
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source.
- What the hell
- I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you
- Enough! I'm sick of google, facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me
- I understand sir but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 6 weeks ago

^lmao

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An Interview with the World's Longest Surviving Severed Head


A Person with little left to lose describes his challenges.





Severed head interview.





We are interviewing Loren C. Vandersnarff, the world’s longest surviving severed head. Mr. Vandersnarff, welcome.

Loren – Thank you John.

FoD – How did you come to be the world’s longest living severed head?

Loren – It was in a farming accident, in Buel, Idaho.I was operating a threshing machine, cutting wheat. The machine hit a bump and I tumbled off. The next thing I knew, I was as you see me here.

FoD – A severed head.

Loren – Right.

FoD – What was your first reaction?

Loren – A feeling of losing a great amount of weight very quickly.

FoD – I see. But how is it you came to survive such an accident? Most people would not have.

Loren – I don’t know. I’ve always been a rather independent, self-contained person. I’ve always been the kind who can adapt to adversity. All I know is,I’m still here and enjoying every new day.

FoD – The accident made you something of a celebrity, hasn’t it?

Loren – Yes. I’ve been on Letterman, Leno and Conan shows, and more recently,Ellen. I was offered a part in the upcoming re-make of the classic film, BeatMe Bite Me Burn Me Stab Me Want Me. I also had a small part in the Lee VanCleef movie if you remember, Zontar, the Thing from Venus. I recently was offered a position to head a new nonprofit coalition, Americans without Torsos,based in Washington D.C.

FoD – Then you feel lucky to be the way you are?

Loren – Well, not exactly, there are challenges. Do you have any idea how hard it is to meet women? I’m single. I’ve tried everything; hanging out at bars,going to the produce section at the supermarket. I can’t seem to meet the right lady, someone who will love me for who I am. I mean, I’ll be out on a date with a good-looking goddess, and she gets up to excuse herself to go freshen up in the ladies room, and bumps the table, and I roll off. Do you know how embarrassing that is?

FoD – I can imagine.

Loren – Try getting on a bus. There is no special provision for a disability like this. I have to get a rolling start toward the stairs, bounce off an object like a rock or can, hit the first step, and then bounce up again and again. That’s unless somebody helps me. One time a bunch of kids mistook me fora soccer ball. That was a narrow escape. What a disaster that could have been.Another time a gypsy woman mistakenly thought I was a face in a crystal ball and tried to make off with me. I’m so bitter I don’t even want to talk about it.

FoD – I’m sure our audience identifies with your struggles and challenges. On a lighter note, could you describe your average day for us?

Loren – Sure. Usually I get up in the morning, roll out of bed and make some coffee. That’s always a challenge, getting the coffee grounds into the top of the coffee maker. Then, I check my email on the computer.

FoD – I have to ask. How?

Loren – By the use my tongue. I have developed my tongue over time and relentless exercise into the strongest tongue in the world. I hold the record in the Guinness Book for bench pressing a 12 pound casaba melon with my tongue.There has been talk of adding such an event to the next Olympic Games.

FoD – That tie you’re wearing?

Loren –You like that?

FoD – Very colorful. A red tie with a glowing battery-powered neon depiction of Lady Gaga.

Loren – A fan sent it to me. I have hundreds of fans and they often send me presents I can’t use, like work boots. But this tie, since I have no neck, is attached right down here with a surfboard bungee chord.

FoD – We’re running short on time. Do you have any advice for anyone out there who might find themselves in a similar situation?

Loren – Well, it might be, never give up, or lose sight of your dreams, even if you’re viewing them from a much lower position. The world is a circle, so try to be a well-rounded individual. If you’ve got a good head on your shoulders,you don’t necessarily need the shoulders. And always play to win, plan and train for your future, and always be one step ahead.