My Journey......Mrs. Butterworth, 128 years of hard waffles

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I'm reaching out on behalf of an old golf buddy of mine who needs some help! His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills. Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Let me know if you can help.

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[Burnsey]

You've been busy PP.........

On a lighter note:

Blond goes ice fishing

A blond wanted to go ice fishing.
She'd seen many books on the subject,
and finally getting all the necessary tools together,
she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool,
she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,



"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."



Startled, the blond moved further down the ice,
poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole.
Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,



"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."


The blond, now worried, moved away,
clear down to the opposite end of the ice.
She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more,



"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."


She stopped, looked skyward, and said,



"IS THAT YOU LORD?"







And







The voice replied,


"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK"

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Confessions of a Funeral Director

As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There we...re only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost…

[CzechCzar]

[CzechCzar]

[CzechCzar]

[CzechCzar]

[CzechCzar]

It's funny, or maybe it's not, I dunno:

My wife just had our first child three months ago. Before I would have watched that video and commented; now, I can't even bring myself to watch it. The thought of losing my daughter is more than I can take.

Facebook Bans Mother For Posting Photos Of Her New Born Son Who Was Born With Severe Birth Defect

March 3, 2014 - Parenting, Uncategorized - Tagged: Inspiring, Parenting
A young mother is furious after Facebook banned photos of her son born with a severe birth defect.
Grayson James Walker lived just eight hours after he was born on Feb. 15. He had anencephaly, a fatal condition in which a baby is born without parts of the brain and skull.
Heather Walker recently posted photos of Grayson without his hat on, igniting an apparent firestorm by doing so.

“Not long after, Facebook deleted them because of the content,”
“They allow people to post almost nude pictures of themselves, profanity, and so many other things but I’m not allowed to share a picture of God’s beautiful creation.”

To protest Facebook’s actions, Walker and her friends re-posted the photos — earning Walker a 24-hour ban from the site.
Watch this beautiful Video of Grayson’s short time with his family.

[Burnsey]

Life's first difficult decision?

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"I WISH YOU ENOUGH"

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's depa...rture had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:
"I love you and I wish you enough."

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.
I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.
"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.

[Premium Parrots]

[Burnsey]

The man who gave up sex for Golf


A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.


Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"



Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says,

"Sure," and sinks the putt.



Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one."



The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?"



Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And he makes an eagle.



On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win.



Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?" "Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.



As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm Satan, and from this day forward you will have no sex life."



"Nice to meet you, "the golfer replies, "I'm Bishop O'Malley."

[Burnsey]

[piks101]

Speaking to the subject line of this thread, my wife still relays the horrors of her mom serving up cold/hard instant waffles with a cold dab of butter before school. Scarred for life..haha Toaster waffles are like McDonald's french fries, a very short shelf life.