My Journey......Mrs. Butterworth, 128 years of hard waffles

[Burnsey]

Australian Telephone Operator: "G'day mate .. Helpline here ... What's the problem?"


Customer: "I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend and she's been stung on her upper thigh by a hornet and now her v____a has completely closed up!"


Australian Telephone Operator: "Bummer!"


Customer: "Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”

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ummm..........got bling?

[Snusdog]

Whahahhahhahaahaa

[Burnsey]

A fellow is browsing in a pet store, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t have any feet or legs.


The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'


The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'


'Holy cow,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'


'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and thoroughly educated bird'


'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet?'


'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around

this wooden bar, like a little hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers.'


'Wow,' says the guy. You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'


'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence

on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'


The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.


'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'


'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet.


You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!'


The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.


Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational! He has a great sense ofhumor, he's interesting,
he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.
The guy is delighted.


One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssst' and motions

him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife,

and the UPS man.'


'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.


'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer

black nightie.'


'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.


'THEN what happened?'


'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her

all over' reported the parrot.


'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'


'Yes.' 'Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her

all over.'


Then the frantic guy demands,


'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'



'I DUNNO. I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.'

[Burnsey]

It's not Trump that worries me, he's harmless............. but let me help with that ...........http://www.immigration.ca/en/

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[Burnsey]

[bakerbarber]

...and then?

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[Andy105]

Cheesus.....



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find more here
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Bet she's a Packers fan.

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Cheesus.....



Like it??

find more here
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[Burnsey]

Subject: IRS --Yes--True ?

This story is said to be true: IRS actually commented on this one.
Something to ponder ...... but, still worth a broad Smile !

Amazing, but true, if you think about it, and it shows the importance of accuracy in your tax return.

The IRS has returned the Tax Return to a man in New Jersey after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to the question, ... "Do you have anyone dependent on you ?"

The man wrote: ... "2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads,4.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Washington and the entire group that call themselves "Politicians".

The IRS stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

The man's response back was, ... "Who did I leave out ?"

[Burnsey]