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11th person to post a decent joke on this thread.....

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  • #61
    Poor frog. Stupid monkey. The worlds not right. Talk about gerbils and ass holes. What's so ****ing funny anyway. I'm not alone here. Did you see the likes and don't likes on that video. cha. Should have just passed. Knew I should of passed. I don't belong on this site. Me and all those don't likes thumbs down types. Narrow small and unnecessary disgusting sad shit. I'm so off on this site. I literally have to just ignore more than half of it.

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    • #62
      Your snus is on the way wa3zrm!!

      sorry it took me a while to get to the post office

      I was able to send what you wanted. Enjoy!!







      Fay your last post was a pretty good joke Dear.

      Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying......


      I've been wrong lots of times. Lots of times I've thought I was wrong only to find out that I was right in the beginning.

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      • #63
        Whatever, darling.

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        • #64
          I know this topic is old but I got one just for Frosted.
          ........
          One day a little Johnny walks into the room and sees his Grandfather drinking a beer and he asks if he can have a sip. Grandpa says, 'does your dick reach your asshole'? Johnny replies 'No' and grandpa says 'then no you can't have a sip of my beer'! The next day little Johnny sees grandad smoking a cigar and asks if he can have a puff. Grandpa asks 'does your dick reach your Asshole'? And again Johnny says no and is told that he can't have a puff.
          The next day Grandpa walks out onto the porch and sees little Johnny eating some cherry pie and grandpa asks 'can I have a bite of that pie'? Little Johnny asks 'does your dick reach your asshole'? And grandad replies, 'well yes it does'! Without missing a beat little Johnny says 'Then Go **** Yourself, Because Grandma Made This For Me'!

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          • #65
            Great first post! :^D

            Welcome to SnusOn.

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            • #66
              Originally posted by tdbpayne View Post
              I know this topic is old but I got one just for Frosted.
              ........
              One day a little Johnny walks into the room and sees his Grandfather drinking a beer and he asks if he can have a sip. Grandpa says, 'does your dick reach your asshole'? Johnny replies 'No' and grandpa says 'then no you can't have a sip of my beer'! The next day little Johnny sees grandad smoking a cigar and asks if he can have a puff. Grandpa asks 'does your dick reach your Asshole'? And again Johnny says no and is told that he can't have a puff.
              The next day Grandpa walks out onto the porch and sees little Johnny eating some cherry pie and grandpa asks 'can I have a bite of that pie'? Little Johnny asks 'does your dick reach your asshole'? And grandad replies, 'well yes it does'! Without missing a beat little Johnny says 'Then Go **** Yourself, Because Grandma Made This For Me'!
              Welcome.

              I swear a friend of mine told me that joke yesterday ................. small world.....

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              • #67
                Thank you!

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                • #68
                  Ahahahha

                  Great Joke and welcome to the forum mate

                  When it's my time to go, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my uncle did....... Not screaming in terror like his passengers

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                  • #69
                    I know it is a Very OLD thread, but posting anyway.

                    "TEXAS CHILI COOKOFF"

                    (If you can read this whole story without tears of laughter running down your cheeks then there's no hope for you! *Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome.

                    The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named "FRANK", who was
                    visiting Texas from the East Coast:

                    Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
                    cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened
                    to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the
                    Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
                    judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
                    besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
                    accepted."

                    Here are the scorecards from the event:

                    Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili:
                    Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
                    Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
                    Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
                    remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
                    flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

                    Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili
                    Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
                    Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
                    seriously.
                    Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
                    I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
                    wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
                    when they saw the look on my face.

                    Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
                    Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
                    Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
                    Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
                    like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get
                    me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
                    backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from
                    all of the beer.

                    Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic
                    Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
                    Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
                    other mild foods, not much of a chili.
                    Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
                    to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid,
                    was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB. bitch is
                    starting to look HOT ... . . just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is
                    chili an aphrodisiac?

                    Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
                    Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
                    considerable kick. Very impressive.
                    Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
                    admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
                    Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
                    can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
                    paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
                    chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
                    pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
                    lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
                    screaming. Screw those rednecks!

                    Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
                    Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
                    spices and peppers.
                    Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
                    garlic. Superb!
                    Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
                    through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
                    slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
                    anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

                    Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
                    Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
                    Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
                    chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
                    about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
                    uncontrollably.
                    Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
                    wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
                    like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which
                    slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like poop to
                    match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed
                    me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not
                    getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through
                    the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

                    Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
                    Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
                    bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
                    Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
                    nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed
                    out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure
                    if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to
                    really hot chili?

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                    • #70
                      Good one!

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                      • #71
                        Originally posted by Burnsey View Post
                        Good one!
                        Yea it is, I crack up every time I read it. :tears_of_joy:

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