Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

11th person to post a decent joke on this thread.....

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Premium Parrots
    replied
    Another victim!!! Welcome to snuson mate.

    Leave a comment:


  • Nameofone
    replied
    New to this forum, a few months new to snus at all. I did give up cigarettes. I still spit for 15-20 minutes, I guess my tract is not acclimated. Anyone like to get a practically new Fleshlight?
    Last edited by Nameofone; 06-12-19, 02:14 AM. Reason: Joke folks. Joke. But I am new to both relevant topics.

    Leave a comment:


  • Burnie
    replied
    Originally posted by Burnsey View Post
    Good one!
    Yea it is, I crack up every time I read it. :tears_of_joy:

    Leave a comment:


  • Burnsey
    replied
    Good one!

    Leave a comment:


  • Burnie
    replied
    I know it is a Very OLD thread, but posting anyway.

    "TEXAS CHILI COOKOFF"

    (If you can read this whole story without tears of laughter running down your cheeks then there's no hope for you! *Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome.

    The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named "FRANK", who was
    visiting Texas from the East Coast:

    Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
    cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened
    to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the
    Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
    judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
    besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
    accepted."

    Here are the scorecards from the event:

    Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili:
    Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
    Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
    Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
    remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
    flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

    Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili
    Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
    Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
    seriously.
    Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
    I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
    wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
    when they saw the look on my face.

    Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
    Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
    Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
    Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
    like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get
    me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
    backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from
    all of the beer.

    Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic
    Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
    Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
    other mild foods, not much of a chili.
    Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
    to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid,
    was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB. bitch is
    starting to look HOT ... . . just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is
    chili an aphrodisiac?

    Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
    Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
    considerable kick. Very impressive.
    Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
    admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
    Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
    can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
    paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
    chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
    pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
    lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
    screaming. Screw those rednecks!

    Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
    Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
    spices and peppers.
    Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
    garlic. Superb!
    Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
    through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
    slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
    anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

    Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
    Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
    Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
    chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
    about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
    uncontrollably.
    Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
    wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
    like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which
    slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like poop to
    match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed
    me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not
    getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through
    the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

    Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
    Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
    bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
    Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
    nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed
    out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure
    if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to
    really hot chili?

    Leave a comment:


  • Snusdog
    replied
    Ahahahha

    Great Joke and welcome to the forum mate

    Leave a comment:


  • tdbpayne
    replied
    Thank you!

    Leave a comment:


  • Burnsey
    replied
    Originally posted by tdbpayne View Post
    I know this topic is old but I got one just for Frosted.
    ........
    One day a little Johnny walks into the room and sees his Grandfather drinking a beer and he asks if he can have a sip. Grandpa says, 'does your dick reach your asshole'? Johnny replies 'No' and grandpa says 'then no you can't have a sip of my beer'! The next day little Johnny sees grandad smoking a cigar and asks if he can have a puff. Grandpa asks 'does your dick reach your Asshole'? And again Johnny says no and is told that he can't have a puff.
    The next day Grandpa walks out onto the porch and sees little Johnny eating some cherry pie and grandpa asks 'can I have a bite of that pie'? Little Johnny asks 'does your dick reach your asshole'? And grandad replies, 'well yes it does'! Without missing a beat little Johnny says 'Then Go **** Yourself, Because Grandma Made This For Me'!
    Welcome.

    I swear a friend of mine told me that joke yesterday ................. small world.....

    Leave a comment:


  • lxskllr
    replied
    Great first post! :^D

    Welcome to SnusOn.

    Leave a comment:


  • tdbpayne
    replied
    I know this topic is old but I got one just for Frosted.
    ........
    One day a little Johnny walks into the room and sees his Grandfather drinking a beer and he asks if he can have a sip. Grandpa says, 'does your dick reach your asshole'? Johnny replies 'No' and grandpa says 'then no you can't have a sip of my beer'! The next day little Johnny sees grandad smoking a cigar and asks if he can have a puff. Grandpa asks 'does your dick reach your Asshole'? And again Johnny says no and is told that he can't have a puff.
    The next day Grandpa walks out onto the porch and sees little Johnny eating some cherry pie and grandpa asks 'can I have a bite of that pie'? Little Johnny asks 'does your dick reach your asshole'? And grandad replies, 'well yes it does'! Without missing a beat little Johnny says 'Then Go **** Yourself, Because Grandma Made This For Me'!

    Leave a comment:


  • Faylool
    replied
    Whatever, darling.

    Leave a comment:


  • Premium Parrots
    replied
    Your snus is on the way wa3zrm!!

    sorry it took me a while to get to the post office

    I was able to send what you wanted. Enjoy!!







    Fay your last post was a pretty good joke Dear.

    Leave a comment:


  • Faylool
    replied
    Poor frog. Stupid monkey. The worlds not right. Talk about gerbils and ass holes. What's so ****ing funny anyway. I'm not alone here. Did you see the likes and don't likes on that video. cha. Should have just passed. Knew I should of passed. I don't belong on this site. Me and all those don't likes thumbs down types. Narrow small and unnecessary disgusting sad shit. I'm so off on this site. I literally have to just ignore more than half of it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Frosted
    replied
    I laughed my bollox off. How the hell did you find that?

    Leave a comment:


  • Zimobog
    replied
    Daz I think this chimp found the froggy from that joke you told!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khwjD...e_gdata_player

    Leave a comment:

Working...
X