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11th person to post a decent joke on this thread.....

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    #31
    Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

    Poor bastard.

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      #32
      Mornin', Ole,

      Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter, and maybe a few times during the year.
      One Sunday, Ole was sitting in the pew right behind Lena and got to noticing what a fine looking woman she was.
      While they were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?"
      "Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," Lena replied.
      Ole was tickled as all get out. All week long he polished his old Ford truck. On Friday he picked up Lena and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm.
      When they sat down, Ole looked at Lena and asked, "Lena, vould you a cocktail before supper?"
      "Oh, no, Ole," Lena said, "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
      Ole was a little taken back, but he didn't say much about it. After dinner, he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering Lena one.
      "Oh, no, Ole," Lena said, "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
      Well, Ole was feeling kind of low, having had two offers rebuffed. On the way home, was they passed the Hot Springs Motel, he figured, heck, he'd struck out twice, so he had nothing to lose.
      "Hey, Lena, vould you like to stop at the motel with me?"
      "Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," she replied.
      Ole couldn't believe his luck. He whipped his Ford into the parking lot, jumped out of the truck, ran into the hotel office, checked in, ran back out, and took Lena right to the hotel room.
      The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying on the bed, her hair spread out all over the pillow. "Vat have I done, vat have I done?" Ole thought. He shook Lena awake. "Lena, I've got to ask you von thing."
      "Vot's dat?" she said, sleepily.
      "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
      "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to drink and smoke to have a good time."
      If you have any problems with my posts or signature


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        #33
        Guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help
        me. My penis is orange."
        Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can
        check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange.
        Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are
        caused by a lot of stress in a person's life." Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at
        work?"
        The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago.
        The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress.
        Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of
        overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I
        found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm
        getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really
        great guy."
        So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He
        inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?"
        The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I stay home, watch some
        porno flicks and munch on Cheetos."

        Comment


          #34
          Originally posted by wa3zrm
          Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
          looks like we have a weiner!!

          congrats old man.


          PM me your contact info again and let me know your favortes, I'll try to give you what you want.




          crappy joke tho






          keep the jokes comming. I think frosty is starting to get warmed up now.
          Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying......





          I've been wrong lots of times.  Lots of times I've thought I was wrong only to find out that I was right in the beginning.


          Comment


            #35
            dam Kaplan I had to think about that one for a minute. lol, good show mate
            Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying......





            I've been wrong lots of times.  Lots of times I've thought I was wrong only to find out that I was right in the beginning.


            Comment


              #36
              A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
              His wife is lying in bed reading.
              The man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
              His wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep"
              The man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

              Comment


                #37
                You're about as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit.

                Comment


                  #38
                  A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms.
                  "Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby , which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin.
                  "My baby!" screams the mother.
                  "Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse.
                  However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face before accidentally kicking it across the room. it hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out the window.
                  "What are you doing?!" yells the mother.
                  "April fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"

                  Comment


                    #39
                    A guy walks INTO a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He says to the doctor, "I've felt so weird lately, Doc, can you tell me what's wrong?"

                    The doctor replied, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts!"

                    Comment


                      #40
                      I love dead baby jokes
                      Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying......





                      I've been wrong lots of times.  Lots of times I've thought I was wrong only to find out that I was right in the beginning.


                      Comment


                        #41
                        "I've got a new nickname for you," I told my wife today.
                        "What is it?" she asked.
                        "Bambi," I replied.
                        "Awww, is that 'cos I've got beautiful eyes?" she asked.
                        "No, it's because I've just killed your mum," I replied.

                        Comment


                          #42
                          There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs - 5% liked the look, 15% liked the feel and the other 80% liked the silence.

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Originally posted by Frosted
                            There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs - 5% liked the look, 15% liked the feel and the other 80% liked the silence.
                            lol my wife says you are a bastard.

                            don't worry tho.....I told her you were irish and she understood.



                            she can hum pretty loud tho
                            Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying......





                            I've been wrong lots of times.  Lots of times I've thought I was wrong only to find out that I was right in the beginning.


                            Comment


                              #44
                              OK here is that xtra suprize that everyone can enjoy!!!!

                              http://shiroioji.livejournal.com/114944.html



                              the comments afterward are as good as the story, check them out also
                              Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying......





                              I've been wrong lots of times.  Lots of times I've thought I was wrong only to find out that I was right in the beginning.


                              Comment


                                #45
                                Christ - I've just sat down to lamb leg steaks and chips. Yeuck.

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