I Won At The Casino! Several Contests! As promised.

[fcamel]

45k mark my words

[Skell18]

$40,000

A man farts in bed next to his wife.
His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."
She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."

hahahahahahahaha

[John Boy]

The other day my girlfriend said she wanted a rape alarm.

So, at 6.15 this morning, I climbed on top of her, covered her mouth and ****ed her up the arse.
When I was finished, I whispered in her ear, "time to wake up"

My guess = $40,500

[crullers]

$40,000

A man farts in bed next to his wife.
His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."
She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."

[wa3zrm]

Lots of newspaper mixed in with the $100 bills!

[phantom]

A little girl was walking her dog through the park when an old man approached her. "That sure is a very pretty dress you're wearing," he said.
"Why, thank you, sir," the little girl replied. "My mommy bought it for me. This is my dog, Porky."
"What a sweet little girl," the man thought to himself.
"I'll bet a quarter that I can guess why you named him that," the old man challenged.
"I'll bet that you can't," she replied.
"Let's see," the old man said, with a chuckle. "I'll bet you called him Porky because he's so fat."
"No, sir," she replied, shaking her head. "We called him Porky because he f#*Ks pigs!"



$1675.00 #5

[texastorm]

Sheesh that looks like quite a sum, and after much googling and wasting time looking up prices of birds I can never afford and likely would never have the time to care for, my assumption is that you put 100 dollar bills on top of much much smaller bills. A nice set of breeders seems to go for the 5k range.

But then again everything I learned about parrots I learned on the internet, so it must be true!

So no guesses from me but congrats on leaving the casino with more cash than you arrived with!

[Kaplan]

Three Hindu men just died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St.
Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one
simple question.
St. Peter asks the first man, "What is Easter?"
The man replies, "Oh, that's easy, it's the holiday in November when
everyone gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful..."

"WRONG," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second man the
same question, "What is Easter?"

The second man replies, "No, Easter is the holiday in December when we
put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of
Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second man, shakes his head in disgust, looks
at the third man and asks, "What is Easter?"

"I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides
with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were
eating at the last supper and he was later deceived and turned over to
the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be
crucified,he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns,
and was hung on a cross. He was buried in a nearby cave which was
sealed off by a large boulder. Every year the boulder is moved aside so
that Jesus can come out, and if he sees his shadow there will be 6 more
weeks of winter.

[Kaplan]

Looks like $75,000 on the table to me.

[GoVegan]

I will pass on the dead cow but I am guessing 12824.00.

[trebli]

That looks like about $90,000. on the table to me.

[Snotgifff]

$16,000

I hate it when new parents ask me who their baby looks like.

It was born 2 days ago, it looks like a ****ing potato

[pwnzoar]

$17,000
So a polar bear walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says "can I get a jack and..................coke?".
The bartender replies "Sure, but can I ask, why the long pause?"
The polar bear responds: "Oh these, I was born with these"

[Snotgifff]

$14,500

[Bigblue1]

I too counted 15,500. but I'm gonna guess something else now as you already got there. $16,700