My Journey......Mrs. Butterworth, 128 years of hard waffles

[tattooer601]

Gated community....I know a few women, I'm not sending that to ��

[trebli]

It sounds like the new The HIPAA Privacy Rules.

[Premium Parrots]

I was going to make a very difficult emotional decision earlier today but then I got worn out by the Twitter feud between feminists over Ariana Grande having her own coffee drink at Starbucks. I also remembered that a squirrel waved a giant piece of fried chicken at me the other day and between those two things I've more or less plateaued with being alive for the day and possibly the week.

[Andy105]

Thought of the day...


When I see a beautiful girl walking down the street I think to myself that I'd like to take her out, be super sweet to her and cherish her the rest of my life or......see her head on a stick.

just saying

You’re a hopeless romantic....

[Premium Parrots]

Thought of the day...


When I see a beautiful girl walking down the street I think to myself that I'd like to take her out, be super sweet to her and cherish her the rest of my life or......see her head on a stick.

just saying

[whalen]

There, but for the grace of god, am I.

[Burnsey]

Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a catapult shot from the carrier. Due to the heroics of rescue helicopter crew and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.

Since he wasn't physically impaired, he remained on flight status and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear."

The Admiral threw him out as well.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Navy Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses."

The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked.

The Sergeant Major replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one ear."

(Posted by a retired Marine elsewhere, of course)

[Chewbacca]

LOL @ PP

How do you make a hormone? ...don’t pay her.

[Snusdog]

My cousin has two tickets for the 2019 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at Temple of God Church, in Lexington at 3pm. Her name is Jessica , she's 5'4, about 140 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.

Now that is funny I don't care who you are

[whalen]

My cousin has two tickets for the 2019 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at Temple of God Church, in Lexington at 3pm. Her name is Jessica , she's 5'4, about 140 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.

Good one!
I liked "glazed and confused" also, I have been Glazed for a couple of weeks now that i have a Cannabis Card. Retirement just took on a whole new dimension! Just Sayin......!

[Premium Parrots]

My cousin has two tickets for the 2019 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at Temple of God Church, in Lexington at 3pm. Her name is Jessica , she's 5'4, about 140 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.

[Premium Parrots]

one ringie dingie…………..

[Snusdog]

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung aSign on it saying: 'Free to good home

You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

Ahahhahhahha

[Burnsey]

[Burnsey]