My Journey......Mrs. Butterworth, 128 years of hard waffles

[Crow]

Fine, you want to get nasty???

Let's get nasty!

... in the name of Science!

[CzechCzar]

This one is pretty bad... I''d recommend against watching it if you have a weak heart or stomach.

[Crow]

This one is pretty bad... I''d recommend against watching it if you have a weak heart or stomach.

I saw it coming...

[CzechCzar]

PP this one is right up your alley

[CzechCzar]

I thought we were already well-beyond that point.

Fine, you want to get nasty???

Let's get nasty!

... in the name of Science!

[Nuusku]

Ahahahahahha Thanks for sharing!

[Paco]

A soldier returning from the war...

With all the f'ed up stuff on this thread I was expecting the dog to get hit by a car, very glad that didn't happen lol.

[Premium Parrots]

PP this one is right up your alley

[Premium Parrots]

[CzechCzar]

[CzechCzar]

Obama was looking for a call girl.

He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

To the blonde he said, I am the President of the United States . Now
how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'

She replied, '$200.'

To the brunette he asked the same question.

Her reply was $100.

He then asked the redhead.

Her reply was:

"Mr. President, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes,
My panties as low as my wages,
Get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in,
And keep it rising like the price of gas,
Keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and
Screw me the way you have retirees,
Then you can have it for free, like the immigrants."

[Premium Parrots]

[Frosted]

GN's been gone a while - I just found out what he's been up to

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=20b_1360282465

[CzechCzar]

Incredible.

GN's been gone a while - I just found out what he's been up to

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=20b_1360282465

[Premium Parrots]

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there for me when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.
However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 am. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips ( washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat and a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black and blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I kow a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions and hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan

P.S.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
2. Nope, no more beer for me
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type
4. Good evening Officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

Sure glad I don't drink