11th person to post a decent joke on this thread.....

[Premium Parrots]

There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs - 5% liked the look, 15% liked the feel and the other 80% liked the silence.

lol my wife says you are a bastard.

don't worry tho.....I told her you were irish and she understood.



she can hum pretty loud tho

[Frosted]

There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs - 5% liked the look, 15% liked the feel and the other 80% liked the silence.

[Frosted]

"I've got a new nickname for you," I told my wife today.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Bambi," I replied.
"Awww, is that 'cos I've got beautiful eyes?" she asked.
"No, it's because I've just killed your mum," I replied.

[Premium Parrots]

I love dead baby jokes

[phantom]

A guy walks INTO a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He says to the doctor, "I've felt so weird lately, Doc, can you tell me what's wrong?"

The doctor replied, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts!"

[Frosted]

A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms.
"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby , which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin.
"My baby!" screams the mother.
"Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse.
However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face before accidentally kicking it across the room. it hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out the window.
"What are you doing?!" yells the mother.
"April fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"

[Frosted]

You're about as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit.

[Frosted]

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
The man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
His wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep"
The man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

[Premium Parrots]

dam Kaplan I had to think about that one for a minute. lol, good show mate

[Premium Parrots]

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

looks like we have a weiner!!

congrats old man.


PM me your contact info again and let me know your favortes, I'll try to give you what you want.




crappy joke tho






keep the jokes comming. I think frosty is starting to get warmed up now.

[Kaplan]

Guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help
me. My penis is orange."
Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can
check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange.
Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are
caused by a lot of stress in a person's life." Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at
work?"
The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago.
The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress.
Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of
overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I
found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm
getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really
great guy."
So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He
inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?"
The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I stay home, watch some
porno flicks and munch on Cheetos."

[wa3zrm]

Mornin', Ole,

Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter, and maybe a few times during the year.
One Sunday, Ole was sitting in the pew right behind Lena and got to noticing what a fine looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," Lena replied.
Ole was tickled as all get out. All week long he polished his old Ford truck. On Friday he picked up Lena and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm.
When they sat down, Ole looked at Lena and asked, "Lena, vould you a cocktail before supper?"
"Oh, no, Ole," Lena said, "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Ole was a little taken back, but he didn't say much about it. After dinner, he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering Lena one.
"Oh, no, Ole," Lena said, "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, Ole was feeling kind of low, having had two offers rebuffed. On the way home, was they passed the Hot Springs Motel, he figured, heck, he'd struck out twice, so he had nothing to lose.
"Hey, Lena, vould you like to stop at the motel with me?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," she replied.
Ole couldn't believe his luck. He whipped his Ford into the parking lot, jumped out of the truck, ran into the hotel office, checked in, ran back out, and took Lena right to the hotel room.
The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying on the bed, her hair spread out all over the pillow. "Vat have I done, vat have I done?" Ole thought. He shook Lena awake. "Lena, I've got to ask you von thing."
"Vot's dat?" she said, sleepily.
"Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
"The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to drink and smoke to have a good time."

[Frosted]

Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

[phantom]

Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for? Ma said for knowing the difference.

[Frosted]

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.
One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.
A voice came from the cubicle next to me "Hello mate, how are you doing?"
Although I thought it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied "Not too bad, thanks."
After a short pause, i heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"
Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit....How about yourself?"
The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry mate, I'll have to ring you back. I've got some c**t in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."