I Won At The Casino! Several Contests! As promised.

[Skell18]

Broke even

[phantom]

+24,500

[Snotgifff]

+$3600

As we age, we tend to see a whole lot more of the medical establishment. For example, my internist referred me to a beautiful female urologist. I saw her yesterday and she is insanely sexy.

She told me that I have to stop masturbating.

When I asked her why, she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

[phantom]

+10,000.00 A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

"Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!"

"In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!"

"That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!"

"Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?"

"Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"

[Faylool]

Thanks Bernsey. I happen to up a tad early too

[Burnsey]

Sounds like my solution! I have come from one dog to six in the three years plus I have not touched a drop. Give me credit fellow snus ers. I'm 60 and it took me 6 years to get 3 plus sober! It was serious hopelessness here and I hope nobody ever has to go there. So if you love your hooch treat it with respect or it'll knock your lights out change your personality and ability to cope and insidiously ruin your life that becomes a pit to slowly crawl out of and maybe not open up again. And that's not a joke. Plus I save money too. Heh heh

Congrats on three years

[Snusdog]

Yeah but loving the pooch is illegal in all 50 states!

Said the man with a mounted rat's ass as his avatar......

no use chasing tail............just nail it to a board and hang it waist high....

[Paco]

Sorry PP I know I'm a big culprit of putting both + and - but I won't do it anymore.

-$7500 and I had a parrot joke up but I thought you might find it offensive so I took it down lol. Here's a new one


A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."


From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"


"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."


"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.


"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."


"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.


The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"


"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

[Premium Parrots]

Apparently it is all about the Lil Ponies now! I can't keep up with all these strange hookup games anymore.

I agree......years ago a simple donkey was sufficient. I suppose nowadays to be politically correct its little ponies that are getting molested.
please guess only one number per post. and reveal whether its a plus or minus. Don't post + or - and a number. More jokes please.

[Snotgifff]

[whalen]

Apparently it is all about the Lil Ponies now! I can't keep up with all these strange hookup games anymore.

[whalen]

yea.....less love for the hooch and more love for the pooch.

Yeah but loving the pooch is illegal in all 50 states!

[phantom]

yep!

[Paco]

^ Uhhh inside joke? That's the most confusing photo I have ever seen lol. -6000 +6000

[Premium Parrots]