Marriage

[Darwin]

From the perspective of a long married quasi misogynist no one said it better than my favorite wordsmith:


Song
by John Donne

Go and catch a falling star,
Get with child a mandrake root,
Tell me where all past years are,
Or who cleft the devil's foot,
Teach me to hear mermaids singing,
Or to keep off envy's stinging,
And find
What wind
Serves to advance an honest mind.

If thou be'st born to strange sights,
Things invisible to see,
Ride ten thousand days and nights,
Till age snow white hairs on thee,
Thou, when thou return'st, wilt tell me,
All strange wonders that befell thee,
And swear,
No where
Lives a woman true and fair.

If thou find'st one, let me know,
Such a pilgrimage were sweet;
Yet do not, I would not go,
Though at next door we might meet,
Though she were true, when you met her,
And last, till you write your letter,
Yet she
Will be
False, ere I come, to two, or three.

[Ainkor]

I've been with my wife for over 20 years and married for a touch over 17. We got together when I was 17 and she was 16. She got pregnant with our first son when we were 17 and we had two more kids over the next 4 years.

We didn't want to get married right away because we didn't want to marry just because we had kids. One day we decided to go ahead and do it and dropped our kids off and the grandparents and drove to Reno with 2 friends and did the deed.

In retrospect, I don't think marriage is essential, to a man, but more likely essential to a woman. It's really about the commitment and a peice of paper doesn't change whats in your heart. 20 years later though, I don't know what I would do without my wife. She is my best friend and such an important part of what I do every day. There is something that is important though. A previous person said that they really didn't know their wife and we recognized this creeping in about 10 years ago and actively take time daily for each other.

We are within a few years of all of our kids being of legal age and we have put a lot of time and attention into each other since we should have at least 35-40 more years together when we are done raising our own kids.

I'm a fan of marriage, but to the right person. Your spouse should complete you, in my opinion.

That being said though, here is a infographics I put together for sagedil when he was talking about marriage:

[precious007]

I've been with my wife for over 20 years and married for a touch over 17. We got together when I was 17 and she was 16. She got pregnant with our first son when we were 17 and we had two more kids over the next 4 years.

We didn't want to get married right away becuase we didn't want ot marry just because we had kids. One day we decided to go ahead and do it and dropped our kids off and the grandparents and drove to Reno with 2 friends and did the deed.

In retrospect, I don't think marriage is essential, to a man, but more likely essential to a woman. It's really about the commitment and a peice of paper doesn't change whats in your heart. 20 years later though, I don't know what I would do without my wife. She is my best friend and such an important part of what I do every day. There is something that is important though. A previous person said that they really didn't know their wife and we recognized this creeping in about 10 years ago and actively take time daily for each other.

We are within a few years of all of our kids being of legal age and we have put a lot of time and attention into each other since we should have at least 35-40 more years together when we are done raising our own kids.

I'm a fan of marriage, but to the right person. Your spouse should complete you, in my opinion.

That being said though, here is a infographics I put together for sagedil when he was talking about marriage:

rotflmao

A hooker isn't $400 monthly .... that would be 4 hours I suppose in U.S :^)

sex with your wife doesn't cost you anything :^) ==> (Ladies excuse me)

Clothes $200 per month ? lol ... I eat with that money... all month :^) I mean come on she doesn't buy 6 pairs of jeans per month....I'd send her right back to the store to return them =))

and some of the calculations there are way too high

most people in the U.S don't earn $1 mil in their life time .... lol (considering the average salary nation wide of $22K / year)

[Ainkor]

rotflmao

A hooker isn't $400 monthly .... that would be 4 hours I suppose in U.S :^)

sex with your wife doesn't cost you anything :^) ==> (Ladies excuse me)

Clothes $200 per month ? lol ... I eat with that money... all month :^) I mean come on she doesn't buy 6 pairs of jeans per month....I'd send her right back to the store to return them =))

and some of the calculations there are way too high

most people in the U.S don't earn $1 mil in their life time .... lol

Those numbers were taken from the averages at the time in the US. Actually, the average American makes about 1.58mm from age 25 to 65.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Average_Joe

[precious007]

Hmm ...

Well I've consulted Payscale.com

Anyways they would not afford to spend $800,000 in 18 years....

BTW .. regarding the statistics sheet .. I've heard a story of a 72 year old guy that has actually rented a girl for the rest of his life from an escort company for $2 mil Pounds. It's actually a true story

[Mykislt]

I'lllllllllllllllllllllllll just leave this here
http://www.singularity2050.com/2010/...ry-bubble.html

[captncaveman]

Hmm ...

Well I've consulted Payscale.com

Anyways they would not afford to spend $800,000 in 18 years....

BTW .. regarding the statistics sheet .. I've heard a story of a 72 year old guy that has actually rented a girl for the rest of his life from an escort company for $2 mil Pounds. It's actually a true story

Does he get the option of trading her in for a newer model?

[precious007]

Does he get the option of trading her in for a newer model?

I believe he does, for the kind of money what can't you get ? :^)

I mean he can probably get a new one every day... instead of just one :^) loool

[Mr. Snuffleupagus]

Just curious of everyone's thoughts. I would like to get views from both the married side and happily unmarried side.

I have been with my girlfriend for 11 years now. We have talked about getting married, she is more into it than i am though. Let me be clear, it has nothing to do with my feelings for her, I love her more than anything, but i honestly just don't want to get married.

Through some of my postings i believe i have made my position on 'god' clear, i don't believe. That is my first issue with marriage. I see it as a christian institution first and foremost. That bugs the hell out of me. I would be completely uncomfortable during the whole ceremony standing in front of a priest that i don't believe i single word of what comes out of his mouth. I neither want nor need my relationship or love confirmed or sanctioned by 'god'.

Second is i don't see why the government has to be involved. To me, marriage should be left to the two people involved. I don't understand why being sanctioned by the government as a couple should have any weight to it. Relationships get messy when god and the government get involved. That is what marriage is to me; a religious ceremony sanctioned by the government.

Third is i believe people in committed relationships that choose not to get married and later have a falling out, are more likely to continue a relationship on some level. Once you get married, from my point of view, you are restrained. I wouldn't want to get a divorce. I'd more than likely be miserable trying to save the relationship if for nothing else to avoid a divorce. If you have issues with your partner, lawyers, money, and possessions all get involved and there seems to be a lot more bitterness and or contempt between the couple as a result and they won't want anything to do with one another once it is finished.

Am i completely off base here?

I already consider her to be my wife. Being officially married wouldn't add anything to our relationship as i see it.

I didn't want to get married because it also felt like the government's stamp of approval wouldn't add anything to the relationship. But I did get married in my early 20s to make her happy. Did like Ainkor and went to Reno and just did it. It doesn't have to be a religious ceremony at all. There are a lot of different options big and small, religious and not. That marriage didn't last long though, but at least we didn't have kids and the divorce cost me about twice what the wedding did ($180 ish). I didn't want to get married then and certainly wasn't in a hurry to get married again. I was single for about 8 years after that until I found a keeper. We have been together for about 9 years now and it's a great relationship. She does have a 10 year old son and we share him 50/50 with his dad. I try to stay out of drama between them, and even though it can be annoying, they are doing a good job of keeping it civil and everything is working out pretty well considering. Unlike in my 20s, I'm starting to realize that marriage is important for legal reasons. You really want to be legally able to make decisions about potential medical issues in case of emergency. There are differences between common law and actual marriage that need to be looked into. I don't know all the details, but I understand that I need to figure it out. We are still not married. She really wants to but understands how I feel about it and doesn't bug me about it. I told you she's keeper! So I'm sure we will get married at some point, and honestly I think I will feel more secure about having it all legit in case something really bad happens to one of us.

[fishmeat]

There's is no sharing of burden, only of profit with the male getting the short end every time.

This is very very true...I would know. I've been married and divorced twice. Both times, she got everything she wanted. I got my clothes and my car.

[Roo]

My girlfriend and I are coming up on our 13th anniversary. We met freshman year in college and became fast friends -- best friends -- before anything happened. We moved in together within the same year. 10 years later we were going to get married. As the planning was in its infancy we both came to realization that it was not important to either of us in any way. To be more accurate, she came to the conclusion I had reached long ago. As others have mentioned, I was prepared to do it for her. But I'm so glad we didn't. It is becoming more and more common to abstain from marriage. My parents were divorced by 1999 and my mother has been with a man named Joe ever since. Joe is a terrific guy, I have known him since childhood (family friend), and my mom is much better off with him. They have also chosen to not get married. Sure, it has its tax benefits and it is culturally significant, more so in some places than others, but in the end it's just a piece of paper that brings with it a shitstorm of legal complications if things don't work out. Talk to her about why it's important to her deadhosky, if you already haven't, and try to work on an understanding of how she can feel as secure and acceptable to society without that ceremony and legal recognition.

[lxskllr]

I'lllllllllllllllllllllllll just leave this here
http://www.singularity2050.com/2010/...ry-bubble.html

Jesus, that's a long article. I'm about 20% through it, but it's been very interesting. So far, it isn't anything I didn't already know, but it's good seeing everything acknowledged, and put into print.

[WickedKitchen]

Excellent article, Mykislt.

[triplethreat675]

just my 2 cents

Ive always hated the institution of marraige maybe it was my parents going through a nasty divorce when I was 7 (last time I saw my dad for 12 years) but now that I am 25 and have been very happily married for five I can see both sides of the issue.

My best advice is try not to marry your girlfriend, marry your best friend. If you cant look at her and know shes the one that you run too and trust with your life and vice versa dont do it. If it doesnt feel right it probably isn't.

I never in a million years thought Id ever get married and especially at the age of twenty but we both felt that it was what we wanted. I can say whole heartedly that she is my best friend. I cant imagine my life without her and when I look at her I know she feels the same. As long as the marriage is based on true friendship rather than any other motive like good sex (which will fade quickly mind you) you will likely have a long happy marriage and cheaper insurance lol

[GoVegan]

You might as well do it. From what you have told us, she will always feel like she is missing something if you don't marry her. Have fun with it and plan a little trip to somewhere like Reno and do a small wedding. I have heard that they even perform weddings at a drive thru in Nevada. Make it more like a fun vacation. Lake Tahoe would also be an awesome honeymoon spot. There is nothing better than swimming in pristine cool water while you are surrounded by beautiful mountains!