Drunken story

[Crow]

i suppose i can throw in a drunken story to help out.



Be me
20 years old
go out drinking at a nearby bar
start talking to this chick and shes totally into me
we talk for awhile, she says her name is raven
i tell her my friend used to have a parrot named raven
whythe****didijustsaythat.jpg
she still seems pretty into me so we head back to my place
i'm pretty drunk and keep snapping in and out of what the current situation at hand is
eventually make it into my bed while she slips away into my bathroom
totallygonnagetlaid.jpg
she comes back gets under the covers and we fool around for awhile
she asks if i have any condoms
turn around to open nighstand and get one but i feel a sharp scratch on my back
i turn around and realize this is not a woman at all
what i had brought home from the bar was not a woman at all but a 16 foot tall crustacean from the paleozoic era
i looked it dead in the eyes and said "what the hell do you want from me you god damn lochness monster"
and do you know what?
It looked me straight in the eye and said
...."i need"...."i need about three fiddy"

Caw!

[SnusoMatic]

i got real bad drunk (and coked up) one night (about 25 years ago). Some how or other I found my way to a hospital but thought it was a bar. It was early in the morning so they had the doors locked. Best I can remember I thought the bar was trying to keep me out. I vaguely remember being at "a" door but I was told later that I was trying to kick the door in. I completely blacked out at some point. When I woke up I was strapped down to a bed in a rubber room in the hospital. It was not my worst drunk but it ranks pretty high.

I knew a guy back in the 70's who was a drug dealer. He would smuggle junk and speed from Germany on occasion. He started shooting what we called speed balls one day and was up a couple days. He said he woke up strapped down like i did. Except he had tried to board a plane to Germany with a .45 pistol on each hip like a cowboy.