here we go again...

[bakerbarber]

I'd like to kick Dane Cook in the teeth.

He's a douche.

I'm not just saying that because he looks like someone fed him rock candy with a sling shot either.

[JBean]

^haha that has been a popular opinion as of lately...

3 words:
Joke stealing hack.

really? where are the jokes coming from? seriously though..cuz I'd rather listen to THAT guy then...

[bakerbarber]

I actually developed my opinion of him after seeing him take a tour bus around on HBO a couple years ago. He's really just a bastard.

TMZ did a short bit on him a week or two ago coming out of a Subway, it was funny at the time his brother / manager had just robbed him blind of millions of dollars. Karma's a bastard too.

[JBean]

damn...

well now I'm curious... gunna youtube that HBO stuff!

[texasmade]

^haha that has been a popular opinion as of lately...

3 words:
Joke stealing hack.

really? where are the jokes coming from? seriously though..cuz I'd rather listen to THAT guy then...

indeed...

[bakerbarber]

damn...

well now I'm curious... gunna youtube that HBO stuff!

It was called Tourgasm.

[JBean]

oh! i've heard of that!

[Condor]

Dane cook is alright, not really into his stuff, but sometimes hes funny. Carlos Mencia is the joke stealer....

LONG LIVE MITCH HEDBERG!! ALL HAIL HEDBERG!

...yes, I know he's passed...

[MrAbstracto]

Dane cook is alright, not really into his stuff, but sometimes hes funny. Carlos Mencia is the joke stealer....

LONG LIVE MITCH HEDBERG!! ALL HAIL HEDBERG!

...yes, I know he's passed...

Both Cook and Mencia are plagiarists.
and yes, MITCH HEDBERG IS THE FUNNIEST MOTHER****ER WHO EVER LIVED

[MrAbstracto]

^haha that has been a popular opinion as of lately...

3 words:
Joke stealing hack.

really? where are the jokes coming from? seriously though..cuz I'd rather listen to THAT guy then...

Louis C.K. and Joe Rogan are two i can remember just off the top off my head.

[bearcat87]

Never heard of this Mitch fella but Lewis Black is my favorite comedian. His Red, White, and Screwed skit kills me every time. I can't help but giggle like a girl every time he cusses.

[MrAbstracto]

Im drunk and hijacking this thread in the name of Mitch Hedberg. :twisted:

these quotes are really only funny if you've seen/heard Mitch Hedberg. His unique delivery is what really makes the jokes funny.

"If you're watching a parade, make sure you stand in one spot. Don't follow it -- it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast forward the parade."

Everytime I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving, so I say "I'm gonna go shave too."

[MrAbstracto]

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be ****ed up.

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map... so it won't fall down.

I don't wanna have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Crispies box: Snap, Crackle, Mitch, and Pop. "Hey, how the **** did he do that?" Hey, in Hollywood, it's all who you know, and I know Crackle.

[MrAbstracto]

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man. I'll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend, "Don’t even act like you didn't get that doughnut." "I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home... in the file... under 'D'."

[MrAbstracto]

I was at a casino, I was minding my own business, this guy came up, he said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.